it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
