you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
