I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
