it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
