K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
