Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
