That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
