Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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