i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
