you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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