when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
