No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
