come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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