at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
