he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
