are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
