Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
