He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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