Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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