what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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