When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
