If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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