As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
