my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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