Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
