I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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