You're earring is so big in my mouth
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
