theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
