This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
