You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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