I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
