I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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