my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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