I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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