there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
