so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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