Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How drunk are you?
Completed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
