When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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