So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
