: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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