i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
