Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
