the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
