Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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