I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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