you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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