We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
