Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
