I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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