i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
