You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
