I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you win again, gameday.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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